I have heard the unfavorable stories of how relationships were ruined by drivers and conductors or worse still, by the frustrating traffic of Lagos. There was a day my Elder brother recounted his ordeal
“I couldn’t believe my eyes when I saw the conductor offer my seat to another commuter after the old lady sitting beside me had dropped; as i made my entry into the bus shouting ‘onwole oo!’ trying not to get beaten by the rain, the conductor told his driver ‘go on jare’ pushing me back away from the bus, i just stood there, dumbfounded and angry – i was lucky there was no bus coming beside me, I would have been crushed. Those idiots ran away with my 800 Naira, left me in the rain and ruined my day…mtcheeew” he hissed in pain.
“Awwww! Sorry ooo,” I said. As I pitied him, the wickedness of these traffic mongers made me wonder, ‘they just like ruining people’s day,’ i sighed “They had better not try this with me, I will punch someone’s face I deepened my voice angrily”
Pat and I have been seeing each other for almost 3 weeks now and she seemed cool. After series of failed relationships, i had promised to keep this one, with the hope that one day; if we eventually get along well, we might get married. Our first date was scheduled for 6.pm, friday evening at the Maryland Mall. Not that we couldn’t see eachother but work had taken most of our time and we decided to respect each other’s job, acting with absolute maturity.
I got home from office 5:07pm, I had lied to my boss that I had a family issue to sort out so he discharged me early enough to plan my date. Immediately, I rushed into the bathroom to freshen up for what happens to be the best date after so many years. By 5:40pm, I was all set. As I stepped out, I felt so proud of myself: my outfit and the aura that was all over me. ‘It’s going to be a great day’ I thought to myself as I approached the bus stop.
“Ikeja-Maryland-ikejaaaaa” the conductor shouted at the top of his voice, gesturing to passerby to board his bus. “Enta with your change ooo, 500, 1000, I no get change ooo. Ehn-hen b’cos i no fit fight ooo.” I hopped in and sat at the extreme end of the last seat, mindful of my steps so I wouldn’t stain myself or tear my shirt from the haggard nature of the danfo.
My imaginary honeymoon was quickly cut short by the harsh voice of the conductor “Owo da?” he said stretching his palm to my face, as i paid him, i cursed him silently as he turned back to face the front. On getting to Onipanu Bus-stop, the driver slowed down to pick more passengers “Ikeja…..kejaaaaa, Maryland, kejaaa…” he said as he walked to and fro, looking for passengers. “Alaye, owo da” was the voice i heard next, it was a voice that came from 2 NURTW guys popularly known as Agbero. He took a stern look at them and walked past them calling passengers. Immediately, the other darted after him, pulling his shirt as the other went to meet the driver to call his conductor to order. “Alaye…f’emi l’owo joor..” the guy shouted. “Ogbeni kosowo, f’arabale, je Kin pada” they both argued.
Anxious and impatient, I sat at the extreme end looking at the time, it was 6:12pm. Oh my God i swore, what now. As I made to get off the bus, i was met by a liquid substance that splashed all over my face and my shirt. At first I thought it was the rain but as I looked closely, judging by the dryness of the tarmac and the noise around, it was no rain but a fight between the conductor and the agbero and the liquid that splashed on me was as a result of the punch of the agbero on the conductor.
I just stood there, confused as to what to do; time was against me and I just got blood-stained by an agbero who wants to collect money from an errant conductor. I glanced at my wrist watch,it was 6:40pm and my phone battery was almost dead from the incessant calls of my girlfriend. Grr grr! A text message came in ‘I’m tired of waiting, I really don’t think I can do this. I can’t keep up with a disappointing boyfriend, i’m sorry.’ I stood there, covered my face in shame and shook my head. “What a day, another disappointment, another failed relationship” I said as I crossed to the other lane to get a bus to take me home.